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It’s been nearly a year since Heath Ledger, the father of her beautiful daughter Matilda, passed away aged just 28.

And Michelle Williams has since then thrown herself deeply in to working on new movies and taking care of her 3-year-old daughter, all the while mourning the tragic loss of her ex.

One of Williams’ new movies coming out is “Wendy and Lucy” in which she plays Wendy, a down-on-her-luck woman. Her companion in the movie is Lucy, a dog.

Williams spoke to Newsweek recently to promote the movie and for the first time opens up about life without Heath.

Williams is jovial and chatty, until the conversation turns to Heath. You can see it’s still difficult for her to talk about him, and she hasn’t done so publicly until now. The first time Ledger’s name comes up, she bursts into tears. “It’s so sad,” Williams says. When she’s asked about how she’s been doing in the past year, she’s silent for a very long time. “I guess it’s always changing,” she says. There’s another pause. “What else can I say?” Her voice is breathy and fragile, and she takes a few gulps of air. “I just wake up each day in a slightly different place—grief is like a moving river, so that’s what I mean by ‘it’s always changing’.” She stops again. “It’s a strange thing to say”—her words unravel slowly, her eyes tear up—”because I’m at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It’s just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse. That’s what I would say.”

As for the paparazzi, Williams says she is willing to quit acting if it means she’ll get more privacy for her and her daughter:

“It burns a fire inside of me, the s––– that I’ve seen people do to get at me or my daughter,” she says. “I won’t forget it, and I won’t support it. I don’t want my daughter growing up feeling spied on or threatened.” She can’t understand how many more pictures people need of her holding a coffee cup in one hand and Matilda in the other. Williams is especially enraged at female photographers, because she thinks women should be protective of mothers. She tried to give a particularly aggressive paparazzo career advice recently. “I said, ‘You’re better than this. Look at you! You’re young, you’re able-bodied, you have a brightness in your eyes. You’re above this.’ But you know what? She didn’t go away.”

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